Ive ben home almost two whole days now. Prill and Rowena packed me up from mom and dad's and we made our way slowly down to Parkdale, avoiding as much traffic as we could and as many bumps in the orad as we could. because bumping doesn't help, I'm here to tell you. I couldn't wait to open the door of my house. The Hemp in the foyer is perfect. The Farrow and Ball Blue Ground is a nice change but I'm not 100% sure yet but it is a great improvement. On looking at it again I am tempted to call i Immaculate Conception Blue..not my favourite colour..but it works with the wood and it'll be there until I can't stand it anymore. Which will be a few years yet.
Prill and Rowe made up the beds upstairs, one for me, one for Nurse Rowena. What a privilege to have one's own friend and nurse to calm all the uneasiness that still beleaguers. me.
It's hard to know if it's the drugs. I am down to one oxy when needed and trying to do with extra strength Tylenols . I have Adavin for night time but I am afraid to take it. I am afraid of letting go.
Blaine, God bless his little OCD soul, cleared all the decks in the kitchen and, even though it took a while to find a few things, it was immeasurably improved. And I meekly agreed I would do my best, do my duty, to God and to my Blaine to try to keep a place for everything and everything in it's place. ("For now" the little demon in me whispered).
The first night, I didn't sleep well again even though I took the Adavin. All this is boring talk, I know. If things don't go well, I will not likely be one of those people of whom it is said, "oh,..she was in a lot of pain..but she never complained". I am not sure I will be an award-winning stoic. But I am determined to document the process, the thoughts, the feelings of what I am going through. I cannot imagine I am so different from everyone else. And it sometimes gives you courage to keep going when you know it's part of the process and not just something that will never end.
Like falling asleep. Like the problems with constipation. Update...last night I tried a suppository. Wasn't more impressively successful that the Sennokot or Colace (red pills). This is maybe the most annoying part of the recovery. I am afraid to eat anything I think may constrict or impede. And I will ask Prill to get me something Rowe said is called TUCKS which are little pads that ease bum pain in the you know what...which is, of course, burning because of the constant effort.
This morning Rowena left after kindly spending the night by my side til I finally fell asleep on the couch (where I often fell asleep anyway pre surgery). I might try it again tonight. I saw her this morning as she left for Carleton Place and home with Nic and Kate at about 7:28. Later I saw she'd left a little note: Lauretta you were sleeping deeply. I love you. HEAL. REST. Rowena.
Thank you for making me feel so safe, Rowena. It means so much. It makes me want to do the same for someone else. That "not being alone".."don't let me die alone" etc. is something we hear echoed in tales of the sick and dying. Perhaps it's because we are not meant to be alone. We are born from someone. We started connected. So it is some how terrible if we leave disconnected.
Anyway, then I hauled myself up to my own true bed and slept for a couple more hours. Then down here after 10.
Blair, my dear friend, came brightly up the stairs with two soft boiled eggs for breakfast just as I was about to tuck into my roughage and fibre filled cereal. So instead I had eggs, a bit of bread and 1 can of V8.that's probably good, right? That shouldn't hurt.
It's been a glorious two days and I can't tell how exquisite the light has been coming through my eyebrow window in the morning, all golden and green, just the top branches of the giant maple in front of the hous. I feel like I'm in a tree-top aerie.And when I come down, it seems to me that today the sky is the colour of the hallway walls and I like that Idea. The trees are all golden with bits of red. And I look around my room and see all the signs of love and well wishes...Dorothea's beautiful orchid, John and Sue's jade plant with a heart shaped stone imbeeded in it that says "family", Ron's card with a maple leaf waxed and pressed to it, Rowena's Roncie treats: organic figs, Panda licorice, halvah and Barley's Naturally Better Mints. Another beautiful unexpected bouquet of fuschia day lilies and snapdragons from Sergio, Antonia, Delia and her Mihevcs! I am feeling so coddled and cared for.
So, two days and now, early this morning, Rowena left to go back to her family. Prill will come for the weekend and then ?. .not sure if I will go back home to recouperate some more or just take one day at a time as it comes here. Blair and Blaine will be hear. Mary Fran will be back on the 15th. I have lots of stuff all around me to do and read and places to lie down and snooze if I wish.
We'll see. We'll see. Happy Thanksgiving, Deo Gratias, for all this.
A very happy thanksgiving! You are a vibrant and truthful writer, and you are courageous to include all the small and terribly important details of your convalescence. The big picture is comprised of these vivid parts...generally unnoticed until the taken for granted becomes the exceptional...such as going to the bathroom! You may be eating too much bulky fibre...add something with both roughage and oil but no bulk...lightly roasted hulled sunflower seeds are very effective...found out this summer when they were too much a part of my shepherding diet! We will yet walk the Camino!!!!
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