Last night was my first time out "in public". I went to my book club. MJ picked me up with author Keith Leckie, the author of Coppermine, the book we had all read and were going to discuss. It was a wonderful evening and I was so happy to see my bookies after at least 4 or 5 months. Here's the frustrating part..I was dressed up (nice new olivy green jeans bought on sale, black turtleneck, and one of those slimming black sweaters with long pointy front thingys (word loss may have accompanied my uterus)..but just about 20 minutes into the talk I started to get restless, and had trouble breathing, and coughing and actually got a bit panicky. I went outside to try to breathe deeper. This is an ongoing problem. So the frustration is that I am not yet ready to venture forth in crowds. I need to spend more time at home or at least in pajamas.
Tears...today, now, is my nephew Paolo's birthday. He's seventeen. He's young and beautiful and I love him almost too much. And I remember his birth (yes, to my quite dear sister Bruna who doesn't read my blog...I'm going to stop mentioning this now) as if it were yesterday. Because I was there with her. And just thinking about it makes me cry. We all cried then. Because it was so momentous...a new human being...part of us, part of me me even though he wasn't from my own womb. I'll never get over seeing that precious little being open his eyes for the first time. I thought then that he looked like a little lamb being born. It makes me cry now just thinking about it. Which is fine and good but frustrating because I get all stuffed up and can't breath again...even though his birth was one of the most wondrous moments of my life...
It's just gonna be one of those nights...I'm going upstairs to bed now, to breath deep and say Hail Marys until sleep finally comes...
No comments:
Post a Comment