So..a week and a day since the news. I just wrote a note to a friend saying "I am trying to keep calm and as sanguine as possible. But in my head, there are squirrels running amok." that's about it really.
But the day/s have been full. the phones been ringing off the hook. E-mails, FB messages, all so supportive. Joan dropped by last night and we had a really wonderful evening talking about the cancer, all the fear, death, kids, life, you name it. even dragged her through my "oeuvre" from my experimental watercolour course. I am inordinately pleased with bits of it and people are inevitably kind about it. I am so glad I did it. Maybe I should do one a day while I wait for the surgery date.
She gave me a book called Cancer is a Word, Not A Sentence by Doctore Robert Buckman. "I've been carrying this book around for 3 years..don't know why ...so here it is.."The first sentence is: "If you're reading this book, you're probably reeling". Very accurate. I tried to read a bit last night but couldn't keep my eyes open.
That's one think I've noticed. I am psychically tired. I think that's a blessing. I just stop thinking. The squirrels need their rest.
But I am so very very touched by people's goodness, kindness and concern, offers to help, to drive me anywhere (apparently I can't drive for 6 weeks after the surgery). Rosie and Liisa came over with a gorgeous bouquet of roses. Caroline McL called to say she loved me. Her husband Doug, Prill's brother, had been through his own ordeal with cancer a few years ago. Good advice to take things on and become one's own advocate if necessary, etc. I have to remember to call the nurse again.
All of this, all of this...time is taking it's own peculiar shape...
White noise is the perfect way to describe it, I think. I am so glad that you've reached out to people and given them a way to help you over the next while.
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